It’s really early for Rubi, especially given that she couldn’t tear herself away from the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, which ran until nearly 2:00 a.m. local time. But there’s the problem — there are still lots of images rolling around in her brain that need processing.

There are the dark, Satanic mills.

“Where there’s muck, there’s brass.”

There’s the really scary giant baby puppet.

NHS: Nightmarish Hallucination Service?

And there’s this.

In Soviet Russia, … oh, forget it.

On the positive side, they were free. On the negative side, you get what you pay for.

Leaving to one side all the jokes about being what matadores wear when they’re moonlighting at McDonalds, or El Pollo Loco, or at the Doritos booth at the trade fair, these just make my heart hurt.

The Spanish Olympic Committee points out that getting these incredibly ugly duds for free from Russian sportswear manufacturer Bosco (not to be confused with the chocolate syrup company, who’d never have screwed up this badly) saved something like $2 million. They are adamant that in these massively straightened times, they did a good thing.

It’s hard to understand how they couldn’t look any further than the price tag. Spain is a very well turned-out nation. This is the country that produced Fortuny, Balenciaga, and Blahnik. Adolfo Dominguez. Agatha Ruiz de la Prada, for crying out loud. It also gave you Zara and its enormous family of brands. (De nada.) I cannot believe that there wasn’t a single Spanish design firm that wouldn’t have been willing to produce something more fitting, more authentically Spanish, and less soul-killingly vile. If cost was that much of an issue, they could have put it to public subscription. I think if Spaniards had been warned that this was the alternative, they’d have dug deep. They’re a generous people, with a strong sense of vergüenza.

What’s even worse, though, is the effect that ugly clothes can have on athletic performance. I’m not kidding. As UK gold-medalist Sir Chris Hoy commented when shown the team kit, designed by Stella McCartney,  “It’s very important that you feel confident in your kit and you feel good in it because you don’t want to be thinking about it when you’re competing.” How must the Spanish Olympians be feeling right now?

No llores, guapo.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

Advertisements