This poem came to me yesterday morning via “The Writer’s Almanac.” Funny how we get messages from the Universe exactly when we need them, huh?

Psychology Today

Have you ever had
delusions of grandeur?
I read all about it
in a magazine
on the coffee table
at Dr. Broadwell’s office.

Have you ever thought
you were meant for
something special?
But you were afraid.
Afraid if you tried
you’d fail?
People
would think you
a fool?

You might risk
everything
only for
delusions of grandeur?

I have.
Thought that, I mean.

“Psychology Today” by Darnell Arnoult, from What Travels with Us.

Last Wednesday I had lunch with a friend to catch up and to talk about the intentions I’ve set for this year — to get my business up and running, to move to Madrid. More specifically, we were talking about fear versus safety, and other things that get in the way of us doing what we really want to.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been turning over the idea of “hedging my bets.” Should I hang on to the furniture I’ve got in storage, in case I don’t make it in Madrid and have to come back, needing a sofa? Should I spend time looking for a job that would give me a work permit, or should I apply for a visa as a business owner? And so on… Funnily enough, the “scary” option seems to be the most interesting one. Sell everything except the family heirlooms I can’t bear to part with, buy myself a ticket, and go. (In so many words.)

In this case, the interesting part about the scary option is the boldness required. It’s not all that different from the way I went to Madrid the first time, with two suitcases, a one-way ticket, $500 in traveler’s checks, and a lot of chutzpah. Except that I’m not 23 anymore. I’ve got debts to pay, a retirement account to fund, a tax bill coming up, a whole host of reasons to talk myself out of this. And yet…

Clearing the decks completely means not only creating a huge incentive to make this adventure in change work — as my friend’s accountant husband points out, “Businesses that make it are businesses that have to make it.” — but it also makes a space for it to work. It dismantles a safety net that may well be an obstacle in and of itself. If what I really want is to create my own coaching/consulting business in the city I love better than any other in the world, then that’s what I have to do. Nothing else.

Maybe I’m suffering from delusions of grandeur, myself. I don’t have any idea. But I know that there’s only one way to find out.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a little rest. I’m feeling a bit light-headed.

Advertisements